One of my biggest stressors is my stepdaughter- the way her mother treats her, how that hurts her and the behavior that results from the hurt and pain. What can I do though? I can’t tell you how many wrong paths I have been down with this and I have finally found the right one- the path that causes me the least amount of stress and makes my family the happiest. It’s not my problem- I didn’t break her so I can’t fix her.
I have tried to convince her to get help, encouraged (sometimes forced) my step daughter to call her, shared my pictures with her, notified her of sports and school events- none of which she has came to. I have enocouraged her to call her daughter and even come to see her, I have tried to get her to agree to more frequent contact- she just doesn't want to do any of it. I don't know if she doesn't want a relationship with her daughter at all or if it is only worth it if it is her way and on her terms- which means visitation back at her house and even my husband giving her custody. But you know what it isn't my problem- I can't worry about it anymore.
If she thinks that she only needs to call her daughter once every 5 or 6 months- that is not my problem. If she wants to abuse her, lie to her (and everyone else) and put her in situations that hurt her- that’s not my problem either. And if she doesn’t want to step up and get the help she needs so that she can see her daughter again- well, that isn’t my problem either. She is the one missing out on her daughter’s life, she is the one not getting to see her little girl grow up and flourish into a beautiful young lady, she is the one hurting her relationship with her child. All I can do is love my stepdaughter and accept her for who she is. Is she hurting? Of course- but there is nothing I can do about that- I didn’t break her so I can’t fix her.
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